Dual Award: The Debaucherrific Dancing and Drinking Distinctions

NASH BAR NIGHT

SARAH DRINK COUNT: 13+

DAVID DRINK COUNT: 2

(note: names have been changed to protect the innocent)

Sarah

Tell me how bad it was last night.

David

You probably don't want to know.

Sarah

Get it over with.

David

Well... how many people do you remember making out with?

Sarah

...

David

...

Sarah

Well, Jill.

David

Oh, everyone made out with Jill.

Sarah

Including you?

David

...

Sarah

...

David

I don't kiss and tell.

Sarah

Slut.

David

It was my pants.

Sarah

What else? I remember dancing.

David

There was a lot of that. A lot. I took off around the time you traded glasses with some guy and were looking for him to trade back.

Sarah

Right! They're giving me a headache.

David

You still have them?

Sarah

Hey, I couldn't find them.

David

Why did you do that in the first place?

Sarah

IT WAS FUNNY.

David

Clearly.

Sarah

OK, what else?

David

Who was your friend Eric?

Sarah

Eric? Oh, yeah. I know him through the...oh. Yeah, I was macking on him for a little bit.

David

I think I was hitting on him for like an hour.

Sarah

Slut.

David

PANTS!

Sarah

What else? C'mon, you have to tell me.

David

Trust me, if you did anything embarrassing, I would be bugging you about it forever.

Sarah

That's true. Nothing else?

David

Well, you were all "look at my boobs," and "I'm gonna have sex with this wall."

Sarah

You're making that up.

David

I am.

Sarah

A good night.

David

Yeah.

Sarah

Jill's a good kisser.

David

We all know that.

Jonn

My favorite part, David, was when you hurled yourself over the railing and started dancing on the speaker with those girls.

Sarah

I missed that!

David

Jonn, sshh. Sarah has a hangover. We're eating breakfast in peace.

Jonn

Fine.

Sarah

I should probably get my glasses back at some point.

David

Good luck.

Sarah

I was really worried — I got a text from Alan Sheridan at like 4 A.M. where he called my behavior 'deplorable.'

David

Alan Sheridan?

Sarah

Yeah.

David

The last time I saw Alan Sheridan, Jill was taking off his clothes on the dance floor.

Sarah

Ah.

David

I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Sarah

Except my head hurts.

David

I wonder why.