The Momentary Musical Markage Statue

Look, if Sarah's gonna pull something like that last award, David has to get in on it too. This WAS for a Sara-Bareilles-themed photoshoot, but that's still enough to earn a trophy, we think.

The Victorious Vegetable Vendetta Statue

Most posts need some kind of explanation. This? Does not. Sarah kicks broccoli's ass. 'Nuff said.

Dual Award: The Midnight Microphone Coat-Rack-Mastery Medallions

(song: "I Do Not Hook Up" by Kelly Clarkson)

Sarah: I'm going home now.

David: Still, you can't disagree: Best office dance-off ever.

Sarah: I'm taking the coat rack with me.

David: I thought you did not hook up.

David: Hee hee. 'Hook.' Because it's a coat rack.

Sarah: CAN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT NIGHT AT LUCKY 13 ALREADY?

David: Nope.

Sarah: Fuckety fuck.

David: I'm sure Jill approves.

The Exercising Ectomorphic Excellence Award

Sarah: You shouldn't come to the gym with me.

David: Why not? I like the gym. I like running.

Sarah: But then I end up comparing myself to you. And that's not good.

David: But we're like the same weight. You totally should have let me join you guys on the Freshman 15 Feature. I could've, like, provided an ectomorph's perspective.

Sarah: Yeah, that's the last thing I need. "David's diet included three chocolate bars a day and hit his weight loss goal in four days. Sarah worked her butt off and ate stupid vegetables and gained five pounds."

David: OK, OK.

Sarah: "David ate nothing but pizza and tacos for three weeks and lost nine pounds. Sarah ate apples and drank water and somehow doubled her weight."

David: You've made your point.

Sarah: I don't think I have. Fine.

David: ...

Sarah: ...

David: Also, nine pounds? That's less than my average.

Sarah: Shut. Up.

The Chapped Chops Commendation

Ow. Ow. OW. My lips really hurt. Ow. Ow. Godamn chapping. I better get some kind of trophy for this

Oh, yes, that's really attractive. What with the scabbing and the wrinkling and the INTENSE PAIN. Ow. Ow. Give me the damn award and let me go to bed.

The Certificate of Curvaceous Cropping

David: You know, I look good in green. And of all the guys, I totally look the best, what with everyone else looking either drunk or high or both.

Sarah: Yeah, but I'm the winner here. My boobs look bigger than usual. My arm looks skinnier than usual. THIS IS A GOOD PHOTO.

David: But you're throwing yourself in front of everyone and trying to crowd us out of the frame.

Sarah: JUST LIKE REAL LIFE.

Dual Award: The Debaucherrific Dancing and Drinking Distinctions

NASH BAR NIGHT

SARAH DRINK COUNT: 13+

DAVID DRINK COUNT: 2

(note: names have been changed to protect the innocent)

Sarah

Tell me how bad it was last night.

David

You probably don't want to know.

Sarah

Get it over with.

David

Well... how many people do you remember making out with?

Sarah

...

David

...

Sarah

Well, Jill.

David

Oh, everyone made out with Jill.

Sarah

Including you?

David

...

Sarah

...

David

I don't kiss and tell.

Sarah

Slut.

David

It was my pants.

Sarah

What else? I remember dancing.

David

There was a lot of that. A lot. I took off around the time you traded glasses with some guy and were looking for him to trade back.

Sarah

Right! They're giving me a headache.

David

You still have them?

Sarah

Hey, I couldn't find them.

David

Why did you do that in the first place?

Sarah

IT WAS FUNNY.

David

Clearly.

Sarah

OK, what else?

David

Who was your friend Eric?

Sarah

Eric? Oh, yeah. I know him through the...oh. Yeah, I was macking on him for a little bit.

David

I think I was hitting on him for like an hour.

Sarah

Slut.

David

PANTS!

Sarah

What else? C'mon, you have to tell me.

David

Trust me, if you did anything embarrassing, I would be bugging you about it forever.

Sarah

That's true. Nothing else?

David

Well, you were all "look at my boobs," and "I'm gonna have sex with this wall."

Sarah

You're making that up.

David

I am.

Sarah

A good night.

David

Yeah.

Sarah

Jill's a good kisser.

David

We all know that.

Jonn

My favorite part, David, was when you hurled yourself over the railing and started dancing on the speaker with those girls.

Sarah

I missed that!

David

Jonn, sshh. Sarah has a hangover. We're eating breakfast in peace.

Jonn

Fine.

Sarah

I should probably get my glasses back at some point.

David

Good luck.

Sarah

I was really worried — I got a text from Alan Sheridan at like 4 A.M. where he called my behavior 'deplorable.'

David

Alan Sheridan?

Sarah

Yeah.

David

The last time I saw Alan Sheridan, Jill was taking off his clothes on the dance floor.

Sarah

Ah.

David

I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Sarah

Except my head hurts.

David

I wonder why.

The Shaved 'Stache Scholarship of Solidarity

74 days. And now it is dead. ...Huh. You know, if I'd stopped to add it up before, I probably would have kept the moustache for another 24 hours...

No. I wouldn't have. IT IS VANQUISHED.

The Earlybird Endowment of Sectional Mastery — Entertainment Edition

Sarah

Hey, look at that. My section's done. How's that last fifth coming along, David?

David

I hate you so much.

Sarah

And now I can leave.

David

So you can go make googly eyes at Tegan and Sara?

Sarah

Just Tegan. She's the hotter twin.

The Earlybird Endowment of Sectional Mastery

David

I finished 4/5 of the Opinion section before press night!

Sarah

I hate your guts. But I still have to give you an award.

The Meritous Medal for Metaphorical Musings

(from the chat)

Sarah

Why is life sucky?

David

Just a hundred little things all weighing me down.

Sarah

I do not discount the bum-out power of the little things.

Care to share a few? school? life? boys?

David

Yeah, all of those.

Sarah

I hear ya.

David

Drama class scheduling issues. Had to drop a show. Roommate is back. Desk is messy. No life plan.

Also, I'm hungry.

Sarah

Well, your roomie is a hermit and I'll clean your desk.

Life plans. those…I dunno.

I get bent out of shape about that all the time and lately I'm just not letting myself.

David

I'm trying that, but... I wanna figure out where I'm going in life. Even if it's just short-term.

Sarah

Life is like a box of chocolates.

Some of it is really awesome,

David

Some of it is nuts,

Sarah

And some of it is like, digustingly gross.

David

And if you try everything, you get fat and bad skin.

Sarah

EITHER WAY, you gotta finish the box somehow.

And if you don’t want to get fat and have bad skin, you go through it slowly

David

Though there's always another layer beneath.

Sarah

I'm GETTING to the other layer, haha.

David

Heh. I’ll wait.

Sarah

You don't wanna rush through it, is the point.

David

Yeah. But you don't want to just... stop moving.

Sarah

And when you finish one part (aka the top layer) the second part will still be somewhat surprising

And once you start that box, you can't regift it.

So even if it sucks, try to enjoy it.

Even a little.

David

…

Sarah rocks at metaphors.

I thus award you the Meritous Medal for Metaphorical Musings.